"Well here I am, don't know how to say this. The only thing I know is awkward silence."

I've been cleaning my room lately, yes lately as in it's taking a very long time, and it's completely overwhelming, exhausting, and surprisingly emotional. I'll just be honest and say my room hasn't really been cleaned in a very long time. So I figured since I'm about to leave for college, and I know I won't want to clean during breaks, this is probably the last time I clean my room before I clean it out permanently when I graduate college and move into my own residence or get married or both. But it's hard to purge my room of everything that's keeping me in the past and holding me captive to all the "what if that had gone differently". I'm finding stuff from freaking 7th grade, things that make me nostalgic and ashamed and induce wistful longing, all at the same time. But lately I've realized that even though I think I have my life completely planned out, that's what I thought then. And things might work out, but it might completely end up in a different direction, and I have to be completely open to that.

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For some reason today I was thinking about who owns the copyrights to songs. Since for the past few weeks I'm sure everyone's heard every single detail of Michael Jackson's life, including what his bedspread looked like (sparkly), I'm sure everyone also knows Michael owned about half of the Beatles' songs. How exactly does that happen? In middle school I was convinced I was going to be a singer and be famous, but now I realize that even if I did become famous, there's a chance that I wouldn't even own what I had written. You pour out your soul and then someone else has the right to use it in commercials or movie soundtracks. I just couldn't do it. And speaking of movie soundtracks, if I were a member of Queen I would hate everyone. Now I'm not sure who owns their music, maybe they do. But think about it. Every sports movie has either "We Will Rock You" or "We Are the Champions" in it. I think if I had written that song I would just get sick of it. Sure, maybe the first movie they liked it, but there is a point where something can be oversaturated and ruined, i.e. Journey's "Don't Stop Believing". Now I love music, but I just don't understand how anyone could be a part of the music industry without losing their souls.


P.S. JON GOSSELIN IS ENGAGED AGAIN ALREADY?!?!?! Jerk.