Brilliant!

Pepsi has greatly impressed me with their absolute magnificence.

Coke recently came out with a new size bottle, 16 oz. I drank one, and immediately knew this would be a monumental move. The perfect amount of cool, refreshing phosphoric acid. I found myself drinking it more and more often. I would get one in the morning on the way to school. Before I even knew what was happening, I had become a Coke drinker! This was more than a little distressing to me.

And then, I walked into the gas station and beheld this little gem: a 16 ounce Mountain Dew, IN A CAN! Far superior to a bottle for obvious reasons, but if you really need me to point them out, I will. The constant opening and closing always seems to make my bottled sodas go flat sooner. And of course, cans stay colder than do bottles. By the time I get to the end of drinking a bottle, I can't finish it because it's flat and warm. A regular sized can is not enough, a bottle is too much and has the aforementioned flaws. Not only is it the perfect size, it's also a much more convenient price. Whereas a bottled Mountain Dew costs me $1.53 at my local gas station, I can get 16 oz. for $1.01 and don't have to worry about change occupying room in my pocket and causing me unnecessary annoyance. Finally, perfection. Which I think is actually Coke's marketing slogan, but Mountain Dew indubitably reached a perfection that Coke can only dream of.



Speaking of brilliance, Maddox has been a favorite writer of mine for quite a few years. He is often offensive, and I can't say I agree with everything he says, but his writing has never failed to make me laugh. That said, here's a favorite article of mine:

http://www.thebestpageintheuniverse.net/c.cgi?u=11worst

Here's a teaser:
U2-Crumbs From Your Table
"This song is about how America and its wealthiest people don't do enough to help solve world hunger. The title suggests that crumbs from our table could help starving people in Africa. Bono indicts America for being hypocritical with these lines:

Would you deny for others
What you demand for yourself?

Bono could not be reached for comment as he was stepping off his private jet and into his limousine."